In primary school, my teachers used to accuse me of submitting work which I hadn't authored. Well, I admit that I had my mom copy french verbs for me once or twice, but I've always authored every essay I turned back.
An essay from a typical primary school student isn't exactly something original though: teachers make sure that each one of their pupils remembers a series of templates that he/she can then adapt by using bullshit expressions such as "as cold as ice", "as fast as the wind" etc etc.
Zero creativity. Pathetic. I could've made a program to generate such essays.
Kids, here's a great essay you can learn from:
It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and I was outside, going nowhere in particular. After getting high on various inexpensive drugs, I decided to grab a bottle of whisky at the supermarket. Of course being an underage 11 year old living in a society where moral values pale in front of profit, getting a bottle of whisky was an easy task.
I was then headed towards some strange destination, my bottle of sky tucked under my arm. My legs were carrying me, and the mixture of foreign chemicals and alcohol in my bloodstream were taking decisions for me.
-"I don't give a fuck," I said aloud, thinking that it would be a neat thing to say, and adding a hint of conversation to this story.
The weather was simply delicious. I don't know why it was delicious, nor do I understand why I thought that it was, but the amazing scene around me was delicious. I could see several people gathered a hundred metres away. Due to the fact that I have to make something happen in this essay, I ran towards them and discovered a car which had obviously had an accident. Some people were trying to open the front driver door.
A few minutes later, the door swung open, and the driver happily walked out of the car. He was safe and sound, until a huge bus came from nowhere and crushed him to death. Realising that this could be a traumatising experience for me, I only gathered the beautiful ruby-red drops of blood that were flying about, splattering on people's clothes and on the car. Oh, there was also a yellow butterfly and it was very beautiful.
My story ends with this very colourful and beautiful scene. Even if there is no particular lesson to be learnt, I'll have to say something to appear wise - "People should be more careful."
2 comments:
Man, your posts are hilarious, I love to stop over from time to time and have a good laugh. Where do you pull this shit?
Everything I write in here is original work created with or without the influence of foreign chemicals in my bloodstream.
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