Friday, September 02, 2022

Guru ji 🙏

How could you do anything other than love your Guru?

Certainly, I love and appreciate all aspects of Guru ji.

And those feelings have long escaped the bounds of physicality.

Thus I am no longer moved by the calm yet melodious sound of her voice.

And I am able to fully reflect upon the topic at hand.

I never thought this love could be expanded by branching,

And yet, here I am, pondering over why Guru-ji's son is the way he is.

A young boy, unadulterated by conflicting concepts.

Blissfully unaware of reality as we see it through the lenses of grown ups.

I certainly love you Guru ji, and I am blessed to have been put in the path of your son, Anandrai.

I can't be an uncle to this lovely boy Guru ji, but his elder brother 😹

Sat Sri Akal Guru Ji 🙏❤️

Monday, August 29, 2022

9c3ce5341c659b4694e658b07180e439 (MD5)

 I had long stopped my fantasies about a meeting with you, at random, that would (naturally) culminate into a passionate embrace and you finally realising that we were supposed to be together.

I did not gracefully glide through life - quite the opposite, but this post has nothing to do with the current state of my life - because my heart can now experience relative peace.

Yet, from the depths of my conscious mind, I detected waves of sadness, coloured with the bittersweet after-effects of true love that was grossly trampled upon by the deafening silence of indifference.

I certainly never hated you, I still cannot. But this existence, lived without you, extinguished a love that should have been uniquely yours. It was complete and absolute faithfulness and maniacal devotion that I could not myself comprehend - and that until now eludes me.

It started when I was 15. Remember, 9c3ce5341c659b4694e658b07180e439 (MD5)?

Why was I born with such a firmware imprinted into my heart's circuit board? Was I karmically destined to suffer this way?

I fantasize about a random meeting with you, 9c3ce5341c659b4694e658b07180e439 (MD5), and I would, through a hug, transmit this love turned sour that I once had for you. Or at least, I wish.

Writing you this is by no means, cathartic. This message is just here to express the greatest pain that the unfortunate lover that I was experienced.

I don't care if you are happy or broken. You have chosen the life that you are living, and the further we disconnect from each other, the less likely it will be that we will ever meet.

But I did respect your last wish though. I never contacted you again. Through random events, I came to know that you adopted Buddhism and that's lovely, since I too adopted Buddhism and turned vegan.

I wish you nothing, 9c3ce5341c659b4694e658b07180e439 (MD5), other than to experience the same heartbreaks I felt.

I did, at some point, stop feeling anything at all for you, dear stranger.

Wednesday, July 13, 2022

Update from 2022!


Time for a massive update. And enhanced expressiveness through emojis. Like my favourite one: the facepalm. 

I'm dying to augment this text right here and right now with this glorious non-textual and illegitimate literary tool - but I guess I should save it for later. 

And God knows I am going to need this. 

Where do I begin? Relationships? 😂 My life is punctuated through relationships. Or failed attempts at initiating a relationship. 

That happened to me very recently, by the way. I was virtually in the company of a lady 11 years younger than I (meaning: we physically interacted and all but mostly exchanged messages online). I had been dropping hints of my interest that had mutated my once platonic friendship into a hot steamy pile of awkwardness - but I got my answer in a very clear and heart sinking way. 

What possibly save the little dignity I had left was our friendship and her good and playful nature. She's such an awesome gal and I am lucky to have her as a friend. 

(That, right there, is life's equivalent of a participation medal that I just awarded myself. You go, Rowan!) 

The actual news that my blog post should focus on is quite stark and heavy in comparison to the previous paragraphs I authored. 

In February 2020, I had a stroke that wiped out a significant portion of my intellectual abilities and rendered half of my body useless. My brain was so messed up that I could not remember my name. 

My own name! I could not, no matter how much I tried, remember my own name! 


The very next day, my mum had contacted the Pranic Healing association of Malaysia - place where I had discovered this wonderful and life-saving art. 

Within a day of me receiving help from my healer mates, I remembered my name. 

However, I was still intellectually and physically disabled. 

I think the one who took it the hardest was my mum. 

My mum has been my support throughout this ordeal and my crying cycles might have been so much more intense had she not been with me. She is probably the worst cook, the worst at getting me dressed, and constantly making false statements ("Oh, your laptop? You were screaming and told me to throw it away. Oh your tennis shoes? You were screaming and told me to throw it away.) 

But she's made sure I was kept alive and relatively well fed and medicated - and for that, kudos mum. 

Life in the meanwhile has inevitably moved on. One of my closest cousins, Yog, is getting married. 

I have to be honest here: I do feel like I missed my train stop. I do feel some sort of panic, deep within me - that I missed my train altogether. I have come to various falsely reassuring conclusions on this topic, but none would last for long and I would inevitably start feeling the pulsating panic slowly creeping in. 

I know that I should instead focus on my getting better. I know that. 

I don't think that I'll be providing regular updates. I can't promise that. But I will do my best to. I do intend to pick up blogging - activity that I have grossly neglected over the years. 

Before penning off, I would like to share something. For some reason, I received a friend request from a total stranger today - a total female stranger, looking to be Mauritian by all means and flaunting generous assets. 

But she had a photo of herself chugging beer and a rather devilish looking tattoo. 

I chuckled as I denied the request. People change. 

And with this, allow me to pen off here and give you all my warmest and most loving blessings: 🙏 

For once, for this once, to mark my re-entrance to the blogging world, allow me to pen off and take the name of the Deity I am most closely and lovingly connected to: 🕉 Lord Shiva 🙏

Friday, July 31, 2020


Hello world.

2020 is here. I decided to pick up blogging again. I conveniently went through some sort of brain format. It is anything but convenient, trust me, but this blog was taken offline years ago, and going through it reminded me of long lost memories.

I sure am itching to give an account of the last 12 years but I should keep it shot and sweet. Finally, I found...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Why guys don't even TRY to understand women.

Original chain letter:

There was once a girl named Ashley who had a boyfriend named Jack. Jack was the most popular boy in the school. The three most popular girls were Courtney, Ashley and Emma.

Jack thought of Ashley as OKAY, but he REALLY liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also. Well of course she did, everyone did!

Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies. Courtney tried to steal Jack away everytime she had a chance to. One day, Courtney asked Jack if he wanted to go to the movies. Ashley heard everything.... which movie theatre and what time.

Ashley approached the movies that night and followed Jack and Courtney. Ashley sat right behind them. She watched them get close to each other and kiss....not only kiss, but practically get it on in the theatre. Courtney told jack 'Do you want to come to my place and skip this boring movie?'

He replied 'hell yes.'

Ashley had peeked through Courtney's window. Jack and her were messing around and Ashley watched the whole thing. The next day at school Ashley wasn't there.

For the next few days Ashley wasn't there.

A week later her mother found her in her closet dead...she commited suicide because she had loved Jack so much. Next to ashley's dead body was a note. A note that read:

My dearest Jack,i watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and
I will continue to watch you. I never thought you would do something like this to me.
I really loved you jack.
I died for you just like Jesus died for us.

Always with you,

Please foward this to more than 15 people or Ashley will haunt you and try to kill you because she wants everyone to know about Courtney.

Thank you.

Please Scroll Down.

'In loving Memory of' **Ashley Halagey**

What ashley did to one person who did not send this....... One girl was looking through her e-mail and she deleted this message thinking it was another silly forward... the next day she was found dead in her bed.

Of course u don't have to send this but I think Ashley Halagey will come soon to get you like tonight when you are still awake just sitting in bed

Repost this as or u will lose the one u love......

My reply:

Dearest Ashley,

Your death was not in vain. Thankfully, the termination of your existence is currently providing me with a delightful outlet for poking fun at the retarded people who keep forwarding emails and who keep the chain-letter tradition alive, in those days where bandwidth is cheap and email inboxes surging with free gigabytes.

Firstly Ashley, your actions are simply appalling. You killed yourself over Jack, who is obviously a dumb fuck. Your committing suicide over that guy makes of you an even dumber fuck. The worst part of it is that you killed yourself in your own closet (that merits a Darwin award, I assure you) and were found out only one week later by your own mother. Your suicide note read:

My dearest Jack,i watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and
I will continue to watch you. I never thought you would do something like this to me.
I really loved you jack.
I died for you just like Jesus died for us.

Well, Jesus Christ wasn't desperately EMO. And he died on a cross, not in his closet. Plus he sacrificed his body to pay for the sins of mankind. He didn't die for Jack Shit. Unfortunately, he couldn't foresee the arrival of dumb fucks like you and Jack, because had he known, he would have had serious doubts about going to the cross.

Your boyfriend liked Courtney more, but was dating you. That is so typical. True - Courtney is a cheap slut, but that girl intelligently created her own luck to get the guy she wanted. You should be happy that you lost that jerk to your slutty friend. She probably had STD's, and now so does the guy. However, If you really think about it, had you really wanted to keep your guy to yourself, you should just have barged in while they were fucking, armed with a baseball bat or a similar pain-inflicting device. But you sat and watched them fuck, making of you a world-class dumb fuck.

I'd like to defend you but all the facts seem to point out that your EMO suicide in your closet was nothing short of stupid, meaningless and despicably unartistic. To tell you the truth, your self-termination is great news, since you have now effectively removed your genes from the common gene pool, and we are now assured that there will not be future generations of human beings who have inherited both your stupidity and that of Jack's.

Do you sincerely think that you're the first person to see the one you love going for someone else? Of course you aren't. But that doesn't mean we should all cut our wrists and die agonizing deaths in our closets. We ain't dumb fucks. We ain't you.

I was simultaneously relived and disappointed to know that you never existed (read: Relieved because, such levels of stupidity were just too scary; and disappointed because now I can't append the two words "Dumb Fuck" on your tombstone.

I will however pray for the souls of similar dumb fucks who were inspired by your actions. Also, I sincerely wish that those people who actually believed that you sent and signed that email (after your own death) and afterwards haunted those who didn't comply would just -- die. May God please remove them from the surface of this Earth, since stupidity has become increasingly problematic latey.