Saying thanks to you, Ashwinee Ramchurn.

I wasn't the most popular kid back in school. And I'm not talking about high school. I was the king of nerds at high school (well, vice-king until some dude named Arvind left, heh). I'm talking about primary school here.

Primary school was hell for me. I was wearing those huge glasses - like, miniature TV sets right in front of my eyes. I wonder if that did me any good. I didn't have many friends at that time - just a few ones. But it wasn't hell because I was being bullied by the bad guys... or anything of the sort. It was hell because I was shy. And shit would incessantly happen to the shy guy who just wants to be invisible. And I'm talking about un-bloggeable shit. Man, primary school was hell.

Somehow, I managed to graduate first of my entire class. Which sent me to middle school (middle school and high school's the same stuff in here). And then shit stopped happening to me, and I started to gain some self-confidence.

But that's not the point. This whole story is about a girl. Her name's Ashwinee Ramchurn. I think I got the name right... I remember she moved to another school for some obscure reason. I wasn't really good buddies with her - she was just in my class. She wasn't the cute girl I had a crush on. She wasn't the school bully. Right now, I just... kind of remember her face really well. Her very serious face. I remember she was pretty good at Hindi. And at almost everything else.

Why her? Why are my memories of her so vivid? Why am I looking for her right now? That's funny actually. Okay, it's not funny. It's actually quite touching.

During the occasional shit that would occur to me, Ashwinee one day popped up, and offered me help. Somehow on that day, my lunch had fallen over and was lying sprawled across the classroom floor. And she just turned around, and offered me her lunch. She opened it up, and asked me if I would have it.

The genuine kindness that emanated from her - still a kid - at that very moment marked me. And until now, I haven't forgotten. I was shocked at that time... she was some kind of stranger to me - we had never really talked. But then, she was graciously offering me help without me asking... and... I guess that had never happened to me before. The authenticity of her gesture would probably remain unmatched by a stranger throughout my life.

I refused her lunch, mumbling something about it being okay. And until this day, I kinda regret I never really talked to her. When she changed school, I remember going back home and crying on my bed. I don't really know why. I guess I was sad. Well, kids cry when they're sad. It's funny though, when you're a kid, you are a slave to your emotions, even if you don't understand them yet.

It's been nearly five years since I started looking for her. And man, believe me, when it comes to finding someone on the internet, I'm pretty good at that. I followed most of the leads... but... nada. Nothing. From time to time, I visit social networking sites, hoping to meet her there. I'm not obsessed or anything... (well, maybe I am due to the fact that I can't find someone I'm looking for) but I just want to meet her once again. Just for a few minutes. And find out about the person she became.

And then say "thank you."
Because I think I forgot to do that back in primary school.

It's weird, how stuff from your early years can affect you.
Very weird.