To My Soulmate

My dear soulmate,

I am sorry I stopped believing in you. I am sorry that I stopped hoping to meet you... I am sorry about so many things... I am so sorry... Nothing is going on right in my life - it never has been. I know that someday, if we are together, somehow, it will all be okay, and everything will work out fine.

I am so lonely without you. To make up for this gaping hole in my life, I set my mind on money. I wanted to buy all the worldly pleasures and possess great amounts of riches - just to make up for this void within my soul. Deep inside, I know that nothing will taste sweeter than being with you, and showing you my true self without fear.

My love... Every day of my life, I will gaze upon you with my new eyes; and with awe, I shall discover your beauty once again. Every single day we live shall be a new day to discover each other, a new way to celebrate our love... because the mysteries of our souls are infinite, and each life is full of new experiences to be lived together.

There is a huge weight that has always been in my heart - it is a profound sadness: that of not being with you. What are you doing right now? Are you happy, or are you sad? Is there a man in your life, or are you thinking about me too?

So often, I stare at the moon and think about you, my perfect one. I think about your face I have never seen. I think about your hair I have never felt. I think about your perfume which has yet to enchant me... My love, where are you?

Maybe the right time has not come yet. Maybe we are not yet prepared for the amazing things that are about to happen in our lives. My princess, I promise to become a better man, a better soul. I promise to be the one you need when we finally meet. I will be strong, and I will not stop waiting, for I know that without you, the flowers in my garden will never bloom.

Your soulmate,
Rowan

Who's next in line?

Chat log - me and my cousin Ashvin.

Rowan says:
man

Rowan says:
are you sure there's something you aren't telling me?

-=( ^shvin )=- DX says:
me?

Rowan says:
yeah

Rowan says:
like

-=( ^shvin )=- DX says:
oh, I got civil married today

-=( ^shvin )=- DX says:
and my religious wedding

-=( ^shvin )=- DX says:
is on Saturday 6 December

Rowan says:
oh nah I'm not talking about that

Rowan says:
I'm just asking if a dog crapped in front of your door

Rowan says:
or maybe you lost a pen

Rowan says:
WHAT THE FUCK MAN

Hope

Hope is born from a single ray of sunshine, piercing through the heavy clouds which have sieged your world. Bursting through the darkness, it illuminates and shines through your heart, making sense of the world and everything else. Hope: the feeling that something beautiful is about to come. To know that the heart will soon be happy, to know that it will soon be full and no longer bleeding. To know that very soon, darkness will be nothing but a lingering feeling. There is no greater joy than to feel your hopes, especially those which were sowed since long, bloom. Breathing and blooming into life, hope becomes joy, and birds of happiness sing amidst flowery gardens.

The hope of another life.

The hope of a better life.

But some hopes, despite having been sowed with deep and true love, do not seem to bloom. And we then realize that we have never truly stepped out of the darkness, and that there is still a heaviness cloaking our hearts. Those hopes... those dead hopes... are never watered again.

Broken hearts... broken hopes.

* Bush has joined #Dicktatorz

P_u_t[in] sets mode: +o Bush

* 5ark0 has joined #Dicktatorz

* kleanton has joined #Dicktatorz

<kleanton> Hey room!

<kleanton> What's up?

* kleanton was kicked by P_u_t[in] (Not allwed here anymore)

* kleanton has joined #Dicktatorz

<kleanton> Vlad

<kleanton> After all I did for you

P_u_t[in] sets mode: +b 66.178.211.29

<kleanton> You have no shame?

* kleanton was kicked by P_u_t[in] (Banned!)

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<kim_jong66> yoyo people

<Bush> kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim!!!

<kim_jong66> yoyo

<Bush> WUZAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

<kim_jong66> WUZZAAAAAAAAAAAA

<Bush> WAAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

<kim_jong66> WUZAAAAAA

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<kim_jong66> wuzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Pervez!!

<Pervez_Paki> man, I didn't do it.

<Bush> wuzzaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!1

<Bush> do wat/

<Bush> do wHat??

<Bush> do what?

<Pervez_Paki> I didn't do it man, i didn't.

<5ark0> my country can offer you exil

<5ark0> you just have to say you did it

<5ark0> then you get exil

<Pervez_Paki> I don't want no exile

<Pervez_Paki> I want to win fair elections man!

<P_u_t[in]> Fair elections?

<5ark0> mdr

<5ark0> we all know you did it

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P_u_t[in] sets mode: +o |4D3|\|

<Bush> WWWWWWWUUUUZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BEN!!!!

<|4D3|\|> wazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......!!!

<Bush> WUZZAA!!

<kim_jong66> ben, you did it? was it you?

<|4D3|\|> LOL

<|4D3|\|> No no, this time waznt me. Thought it was perv?

<Pervez_Paki> I tell you man, it wasn't me!

<Pervez_Paki> I mean, man, like I gave three days for mourning and shit

<Pervez_Paki> Man, it wasn't me I fucking promise

<|4D3|\|> LOL

<|4D3|\|> thn who did it?

<Pervez_Paki> I thought it was you?

<|4D3|\|> no

<5ark0> exil, exil! Come to my place!!

<5ark0> I bought a PSP

<5ark0> I have GTA on it

<5ark0> gf LOVES it!

<Bush> 5ark0 has a hoooot gffffff!

<5ark0> Yehhh.. hehehe... she's beautiful, non?

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<Bush> Shes hotttttttttttt

<5ark0> Have you had any chance with rice?

<5ark0> You tried the thing I told you?

<kim_jong66> I LOVE EATING RICE!!! HAHAAHHAHA!!

<5ark0> It is a Francais thing, they love it

<Bush> :(

<Bush> NOOO

<Bush> SHE DIDNT!!

* Bush sniffs

* kim_jong66 has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

<Pervez_Paki> Can we talk about my problem? I have a problem now

<Bush> resign1 resign! Pervez resign!

<5ark0> resignes, and I give you exil

<Bush> rezing!! Parvez is going to resign!

<P_u_t[in]> You need to be stronger than that. Cancel the elections.

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<P_u_t[in]> wb, Kim.

<kim_jong66> sry, got disc

<5ark0> resign, parvez, you’re screwed.

<Pervez_Paki> Man, maybe I should put off the elections?

<`el`fid`el> hey guys

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<`el`fid`el> whats up?

<P_u_t[in]> Perv, if you don’t get a hold now, you never will.

<P_u_t[in]> You will end up life Afghanistan

<|4D3|\|> hey hey! Whats rong wiz Afghanistan!?!?

<`el`fid`el> I heard the news

<|4D3|\|> its a cool place

<|4D3|\|> cept for ze heat

<|4D3|\|> but zen who cares

<|4D3|\|> im in massachusetts rite now

<P_u_t[in]> Afghanistan has no economy, duh.

* Bush sniffs

<`el`fid`el> I heard the news

<Bush> is it because of meeee?

<Pervez_Paki> pretty bad eh, Fidel?

<`el`fid`el> yes; couldn’t believe it.

<Pervez_Paki> JUST LIKE ME! I tell you, it’s a shock!

<`el`fid`el> oh... I didn’t know you liked the Miami Dolphins...

<Pervez_Paki> huh?

<ROBERT> HEY ROOM

<`el`fid`el> yeah, they lost to the New England Patriots...

<Pervez_Paki> wtf, Do you live in a cave, Fid?

<`el`fid`el> I dont understand...

<|4D3|\|> zey killed benazir. she wuz hot. Pwns :(

<Pervez_Paki> they got her man, they got Bhutto!

<`el`fid`el> but who’s benazir

<|4D3|\|> opposition leader

<`el`fid`el> what does opposition mean/

<`el`fid`el> ?

<Bush> Hey I know I know I know! I know who did it!

* kim_jong66 has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

<5ark0> you know who did this thing?

<Bush> I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

<Pervez_Paki> who did it man? Who did?

<Bush> It was pervezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

<Pervez_Paki> I tell you it wasn’t me!!!!

<Bush> It’s what they are sayingggggg!!

<Pervez_Paki> who?

<Bush> tHEM!

<Pervez_Paki> Them who man?

<Bush> CIAAAA!!

<P_u_t[in]> Pfff, leave it. I’ll talk to the KGB about this.

<5ark0> I thought the KGB was closed?

<P_u_t[in]> LOL

<Bush> it was Pervez.

<Pervez_Paki> it wasn’t me! Man, you’re such a dick!

<ROBERT> WHY DID YOU KILL HER PERVEZ?

<P_u_t[in]> Robert, no caps please.

<ROBERT> I CANT ITS STUCK

<ROBERT> I CAN ONLY TYPE IN CAPS

<Pervez_Paki> Im telling you it was not me! I swear!

<P_u_t[in]> Pfff, never mind.

<ROBERT> IM SORRY MNA

<ROBERT> *MAN

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<kleanton> you all suck cock!

* kleanton has left #Dicktatorz

* P_u_t[in] changes topic to 'Parvez did it.'

<Pervez_Paki> FUCK YOU VLADIMIR! I did not do it!

<Bush> HAHAHAHAHA LOLLLLLL

<Bush> LOLLLLLLL

Letting it out

Some people drink. Others fight. Some manage to measure the disastrous effects it has on their lives, and just let go. He was a special case: he had tried to forget, but some things just stick to your skin so much that they become a part of you.

The long walk he had taken to the designated place had not calmed him down. He still wanted to see the pain, the blood. Even if it wasn't by his own hands, he needed to see it - death in all its brutality and insanity. Somehow, he knew that would calm him down.

He was at the right place. He could feel it - and smell it. The closer he got, the more the smell of fear and death filled his nostrils. The smell of flesh freshly cut out and blood was simply unbearable, yet he walked on. This was a place most people would prefer to forget - it was one of those places you knew existed, but never cared to think about. Slaughter houses were cursed, and so were the people working there.

There were no guards, no security - absolutely nobody to ask him who he was. This was one of the few rare places ordinary people don't visit.

The smell outside was nothing compared to what was happening inside - the interior looked grotesquely clean, yet he felt that every inch of the place reeked of death. He finally found a man standing in a corner, with what looked like a sledgehammer. He didn't have much time to grasp his surroundings as the man, in an almost mechanical motion raised his weapon and brought it down with full force on a cow's head. There was a brutal thump, and the cow hit the ground. There was no blood - there was no visible pain. Yet, death had come so quickly... His eyes were open wide, expecting the brutal scene to cure him. Nothing happened.

A long and most painful "Moooooo" resonated throughout the building.

Obviously, the cow was still alive and struggling to live. The man completely disregarded this fact and walked back to a small chair and table, where a bottle of rum was majestically contemplating the entire scene.

The cow let out another painful sound - which the man seemed to completely ignore. He took a quick shot and went back to grab his slaughter weapon.

- "Wait!"

The man turned around, and saw him.

- "Whatcha want, kid?" The man said.

There was a silence, followed by another painful cry by the cow.

- "Let me do it. I want to do it."

Another pause followed, and a smile appeared at the corner of the man's lips.

- "Sure, you can have a try. Come on, come closer. Well well well, you're not properly dressed for the occasion, but 'sokay I guess. Come on boy, hold the hammer."

As his hand clutched the deadly weapon, he felt the true weight of death. He felt within the hammer the sadistic desires of that man - he truly saw how bad human beings could get.

- "Alright sonny, aim for its head. Bring it down with all the muscle in your arms. Go on, you can do it."

He lifted the hammer above his head. He looked at the cow, who couldn't understand what was going on. It had lived a miserable life: permanently sequestrated, it had been forced to give its milk to its human masters every single day. And now that it couldn't do that anymore - they wanted her dead. It was a miserable life, a miserable existence, and he really hoped that one day, human beings would stop being so selfish.

He turned around, and swung the sledgehammer hard on the man's head. It was quick, simple and murderously effective. The man's head exploded with bits and pieces of his brain flying about.

There was an immense satisfaction as he felt the frustration and anger leave him.