Why guys don't even TRY to understand women.

Original chain letter:

There was once a girl named Ashley who had a boyfriend named Jack. Jack was the most popular boy in the school. The three most popular girls were Courtney, Ashley and Emma.

Jack thought of Ashley as OKAY, but he REALLY liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also. Well of course she did, everyone did!

Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies. Courtney tried to steal Jack away everytime she had a chance to. One day, Courtney asked Jack if he wanted to go to the movies. Ashley heard everything.... which movie theatre and what time.

Ashley approached the movies that night and followed Jack and Courtney. Ashley sat right behind them. She watched them get close to each other and kiss....not only kiss, but practically get it on in the theatre. Courtney told jack 'Do you want to come to my place and skip this boring movie?'

He replied 'hell yes.'

Ashley had peeked through Courtney's window. Jack and her were messing around and Ashley watched the whole thing. The next day at school Ashley wasn't there.

For the next few days Ashley wasn't there.

A week later her mother found her in her closet dead...she commited suicide because she had loved Jack so much. Next to ashley's dead body was a note. A note that read:

My dearest Jack,i watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and
I will continue to watch you. I never thought you would do something like this to me.
I really loved you jack.
I died for you just like Jesus died for us.

Always with you,
Ashley

Please foward this to more than 15 people or Ashley will haunt you and try to kill you because she wants everyone to know about Courtney.

Thank you.

Please Scroll Down.

'In loving Memory of' **Ashley Halagey**

What ashley did to one person who did not send this....... One girl was looking through her e-mail and she deleted this message thinking it was another silly forward... the next day she was found dead in her bed.

Of course u don't have to send this but I think Ashley Halagey will come soon to get you like tonight when you are still awake just sitting in bed

Repost this as or u will lose the one u love......

---

My reply:


Dearest Ashley,

Your death was not in vain. Thankfully, the termination of your existence is currently providing me with a delightful outlet for poking fun at the retarded people who keep forwarding emails and who keep the chain-letter tradition alive, in those days where bandwidth is cheap and email inboxes surging with free gigabytes.

Firstly Ashley, your actions are simply appalling. You killed yourself over Jack, who is obviously a dumb fuck. Your committing suicide over that guy makes of you an even dumber fuck. The worst part of it is that you killed yourself in your own closet (that merits a Darwin award, I assure you) and were found out only one week later by your own mother. Your suicide note read:

My dearest Jack,i watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and
I will continue to watch you. I never thought you would do something like this to me.
I really loved you jack.
I died for you just like Jesus died for us.

Well, Jesus Christ wasn't desperately EMO. And he died on a cross, not in his closet. Plus he sacrificed his body to pay for the sins of mankind. He didn't die for Jack Shit. Unfortunately, he couldn't foresee the arrival of dumb fucks like you and Jack, because had he known, he would have had serious doubts about going to the cross.

Your boyfriend liked Courtney more, but was dating you. That is so typical. True - Courtney is a cheap slut, but that girl intelligently created her own luck to get the guy she wanted. You should be happy that you lost that jerk to your slutty friend. She probably had STD's, and now so does the guy. However, If you really think about it, had you really wanted to keep your guy to yourself, you should just have barged in while they were fucking, armed with a baseball bat or a similar pain-inflicting device. But you sat and watched them fuck, making of you a world-class dumb fuck.

I'd like to defend you but all the facts seem to point out that your EMO suicide in your closet was nothing short of stupid, meaningless and despicably unartistic. To tell you the truth, your self-termination is great news, since you have now effectively removed your genes from the common gene pool, and we are now assured that there will not be future generations of human beings who have inherited both your stupidity and that of Jack's.

Do you sincerely think that you're the first person to see the one you love going for someone else? Of course you aren't. But that doesn't mean we should all cut our wrists and die agonizing deaths in our closets. We ain't dumb fucks. We ain't you.

I was simultaneously relived and disappointed to know that you never existed (read: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_there_any_truth_in_the_Ashley_Halagey_chain-mail_legend). Relieved because, such levels of stupidity were just too scary; and disappointed because now I can't append the two words "Dumb Fuck" on your tombstone.

I will however pray for the souls of similar dumb fucks who were inspired by your actions. Also, I sincerely wish that those people who actually believed that you sent and signed that email (after your own death) and afterwards haunted those who didn't comply would just -- die. May God please remove them from the surface of this Earth, since stupidity has become increasingly problematic latey.


-Rowy

I love my blog!

Is the blog sphere shrinking in size? I don't know, but blogs feel like iPods nowadays. You won't be impressing anyone if you own one, since every retard with too much pocket money has one. Facebook seems to have completely replaced the original purpose of our very much loved web logs. The miniature feeds feature conveniently informs you of Jerome's doings (in less than 50 words) for the past few days, and "subscribing" to a blog equates to sending a friend request.

What will trigger the blog shoah, I believe, is Facebook notes. Hidden somewhere within this seemingly innocent feature, is an option to import "notes" from your blog. Blog posts reduced to notes! Murder! Genocide! Facebook has managed to swallow the entire blog sphere with one feature. If users find that feature (and they will, since I did and mind you - I'm not a Facebook freak), it's easy to predict what will happen to the blog sphere.

So social networking is the big thing now, eh? Well, screw that, I love my blog (even if I did have facebook parse my blog's RSS feeds - which means that my content is currently being mirrored on facebook). I'm not going to add stupid updates on facebook about what I'm up to - they'll be mirrored as notes, when facebook decides to re-parse my RSS.

So yes people, about the updates: I'm moving over to the UK. Having this blog (it was originally meant to inform the visitors of beach-bum happenings in Flic-en-Flac) is utterly pointless, but I'll keep it. Talk about detachment.

I'll be the exact same person, I'll be eating the same stuff (I'm a vegetarian now, did I mention that?) and will probably keep compaining about my short-lived pseudo-romantic fuck-ups. Oh, well... I'll put up another post as soon as I'm in the UK!

Balmer: I'll have a Yahoo! and a cup of coffee please.

Behind every corporate moves lies an inherent evil scheme to conquer the world.

At least, what I believe in. Unless you have your homepage set to Paris Hilton's MySpace account, you must have heard about Microsoft's US$44.6 billion bid for Yahoo! Forget about the deal itself for a second and think about the over-sized gargantuan corporation that a combined Microsoft and Yahoo could be. With its tentacles firmly wrapped around the software market and its teeth sunk even more deeply into the web (yes this creature has both tentacles and teeth - you can't get more evil than that), it would get about to crush competitors with squish.wav playing as background music. And because shares speak louder than words, let's have a quick look at what's been going on with NASDAQ:YHOO for the past few weeks.

Click on the image to enlarge. Rest assured, there are no pop-up ads attached. Source: Google Finance.

Even my mom (who discovered the joys of right-clicking a few days ago) has heard about the bid - and has her own personal opinion: it's actually a secret deal to merge Hotmail and Yahoo Mail. No mom, it's not about email. The only company who seems to be making money out of email is Google, thanks to its innate ability to display ads everywhere.

No, this deal isn't about email, nor about search engines. Microsoft already owns MSN, and it's currently the 5th most visited domain on the internet (source: wikipedia). With its revamped AJAX-driven search baby and its widely popular instant messaging application, the set of services that the Microsoft Network offers is respectable enough to be called a Yahoo competitor. They already have everything Yahoo has - well, almost everything, if it weren't for... something else.

Remember a few years ago, when Microsoft placed a bid for Google? Did they want their search engine technology? Probably so, but I think what MSFT really had its eyes on was Google's advertising business. Yes, for the last few years, Microsoft has been more than enthusiastic about advertising, filing numerous advertising patents (each one more big-brotherly and making less sense than the other). And in my humble opinion, the Yahoo! deal has been placed on the table because of one single thing: and that is yahoo's penetration in the online advertising market.

If yer' can't get marry the princess, try your luck with her gran-ma'.

Microsoft couldn't get Google. Larry and Sergey were smarter than that. Now it's Jerry's turn to be courted - will he and his board agree to the deal? The sudden sharp rise in the share price of Yahoo speaks for itself - the board is divided, and by the looks of it, the deal has high a high probability of being closed. What does it mean for us, little insignificant internet surfers? It means that we will be farmed into online and offline PPC clicking beasts, with billions of dollars slowly being milked out of our mouse clicks. That's what the future looks like. Corporations fighting over our clicks.

One question still remains unanswered though - can my mom keep her yahoo email address?

Sous le soleil Indien

« Shukriya, » me lança-t-elle.

Son accent n'avait rien d'Indien. Son raffinement, ses habits, ce délicat sourire agrémenté d'un rouge à lèvre éclatant était comme une apparition céleste au millieu de ce chaos. Rien de son habillement ne laissait croire qu'elle était originaire de ce pays. Et pourtant, tout comme moi, elle avait la peau légèrement brune et des traits trahissant des origines indiennes.

« Vous êtes Française? »

Elle eut un petit sursaut. Elle ne s'attendait pas a ça: il faut croire que je commençais déjà à fondre dans le décor.

« Non, non. Mais j'étudie en France. A Lyon. » me fit-elle dans un Français absolument parfait. Elle n'était pas Française. Moi non plus. Je n'osais pas lui demander son pays d'origine. Je n'osais plus rien faire – même pas respirer. Elle était resplendissante, c'est vrai, mais il y avait comme quelque chose d'autre. Après ce qui me parut comme une éternité, elle prit la parole a nouveau.

« Et vous, vous habitez ici? »

Je me sentais perdu dans la profondeur de ses yeux. Derrière ces yeux si doux se cachait une intelligence ferme.

« Touriste. Je visite le pays de mes ancêtres. » J'aurais dû dire "nos ancêtres."

J'avais l'impression de la connaître. J'avais le sentiment que quelque chose s'était produit entre nous. Comme si dans un rêve, dans un long rêve, nous nous étions embrassés. J'eus le vague souvenir des traits de ce visage, de ces cheveux si noirs et surtout de ces lèvres qui collaient si bien aux miennes... Je la connaissais par coeur, cette belle étrangère. On ne s'était jamais vus, mais ses mots, des mots qu'elle n'avait jamais prononcés en réalité, résonnaient dans ma tête: "Prendre un café, c'est leur grand truc a eux!"

Soudain, j'eus envie de la prendre dans mes bras. Je connaissais aussi très bien ce sentiment, de l'avoir dans mes bras. Mais je ne fis rien. Nos regards se rencontrèrent et je me demandai si elle aussi, elle avait les mêmes hallucinations que moi. Nous nous connaissions, sans jamais nous avoir vus auparavant. Dans une autre vie, sous le même soleil, elle était mienne.

Un grand blond se ramena et lui prit sa main. Il avait les yeux bleus et un sourire éclatant. Pour la première fois de ma vie, je me sentis totalement envahi par la jalousie. Lui, tout comme elle, était raffiné et bien vêtu; mais au delà de ce raffinement se trouvait un charme incontestable. Charme que je n'avais pas. Je me sentis laid, mal vêtu et très envieux. Par-dessus tout, je voulus condamner cette relation. Il n'avait pas le droit. Il ne devait pas. Elle n'aurait pas dû...

« Namasté. Mera naam Paul hain. Aap kaisé ho? » Il parlait le hindi sans accent et avec une façilité déconcertante. Le sien était bien meilleur que le mien. Encore une bonne raison pour le haïr. Le salaud.

« C'est bon, te fatigue pas. Je parle le Français. »

Je savais très bien que je n'avais aucun droit de me mêler de ce qui ne me concernait pas. Je fis un signe de la main et pris le chemin de mon hôtel, sans jeter un dernier regard sur la belle inconnue. Sa voix, cette voix enivrante, résonnait toujours dans ma tête.

« Ah! Les vieux! Prendre un café, c'est leur grand truc a eux! »

Dans une autre vie, dans une autre dimension, elle me l'avait dit. Et nous avions ri, tellement ri. Je me souviens d'elle dans mes bras: une union parfaite. Sous le soleil Indien, ce soleil meurtrier, je me dis que le destin ne pouvait pas être si cruel que ça, et que j'hallucinais certainement.

To My Soulmate

My dear soulmate,

I am sorry I stopped believing in you. I am sorry that I stopped hoping to meet you... I am sorry about so many things... I am so sorry... Nothing is going on right in my life - it never has been. I know that someday, if we are together, somehow, it will all be okay, and everything will work out fine.

I am so lonely without you. To make up for this gaping hole in my life, I set my mind on money. I wanted to buy all the worldly pleasures and possess great amounts of riches - just to make up for this void within my soul. Deep inside, I know that nothing will taste sweeter than being with you, and showing you my true self without fear.

My love... Every day of my life, I will gaze upon you with my new eyes; and with awe, I shall discover your beauty once again. Every single day we live shall be a new day to discover each other, a new way to celebrate our love... because the mysteries of our souls are infinite, and each life is full of new experiences to be lived together.

There is a huge weight that has always been in my heart - it is a profound sadness: that of not being with you. What are you doing right now? Are you happy, or are you sad? Is there a man in your life, or are you thinking about me too?

So often, I stare at the moon and think about you, my perfect one. I think about your face I have never seen. I think about your hair I have never felt. I think about your perfume which has yet to enchant me... My love, where are you?

Maybe the right time has not come yet. Maybe we are not yet prepared for the amazing things that are about to happen in our lives. My princess, I promise to become a better man, a better soul. I promise to be the one you need when we finally meet. I will be strong, and I will not stop waiting, for I know that without you, the flowers in my garden will never bloom.

Your soulmate,
Rowan

Who's next in line?

Chat log - me and my cousin Ashvin.

Rowan says:
man

Rowan says:
are you sure there's something you aren't telling me?

-=( ^shvin )=- DX says:
me?

Rowan says:
yeah

Rowan says:
like

-=( ^shvin )=- DX says:
oh, I got civil married today

-=( ^shvin )=- DX says:
and my religious wedding

-=( ^shvin )=- DX says:
is on Saturday 6 December

Rowan says:
oh nah I'm not talking about that

Rowan says:
I'm just asking if a dog crapped in front of your door

Rowan says:
or maybe you lost a pen

Rowan says:
WHAT THE FUCK MAN

Hope

Hope is born from a single ray of sunshine, piercing through the heavy clouds which have sieged your world. Bursting through the darkness, it illuminates and shines through your heart, making sense of the world and everything else. Hope: the feeling that something beautiful is about to come. To know that the heart will soon be happy, to know that it will soon be full and no longer bleeding. To know that very soon, darkness will be nothing but a lingering feeling. There is no greater joy than to feel your hopes, especially those which were sowed since long, bloom. Breathing and blooming into life, hope becomes joy, and birds of happiness sing amidst flowery gardens.

The hope of another life.

The hope of a better life.

But some hopes, despite having been sowed with deep and true love, do not seem to bloom. And we then realize that we have never truly stepped out of the darkness, and that there is still a heaviness cloaking our hearts. Those hopes... those dead hopes... are never watered again.

Broken hearts... broken hopes.