Why guys don't even TRY to understand women.

Original chain letter:

There was once a girl named Ashley who had a boyfriend named Jack. Jack was the most popular boy in the school. The three most popular girls were Courtney, Ashley and Emma.

Jack thought of Ashley as OKAY, but he REALLY liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also. Well of course she did, everyone did!

Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies. Courtney tried to steal Jack away everytime she had a chance to. One day, Courtney asked Jack if he wanted to go to the movies. Ashley heard everything.... which movie theatre and what time.

Ashley approached the movies that night and followed Jack and Courtney. Ashley sat right behind them. She watched them get close to each other and kiss....not only kiss, but practically get it on in the theatre. Courtney told jack 'Do you want to come to my place and skip this boring movie?'

He replied 'hell yes.'

Ashley had peeked through Courtney's window. Jack and her were messing around and Ashley watched the whole thing. The next day at school Ashley wasn't there.

For the next few days Ashley wasn't there.

A week later her mother found her in her closet dead...she commited suicide because she had loved Jack so much. Next to ashley's dead body was a note. A note that read:

My dearest Jack,i watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and
I will continue to watch you. I never thought you would do something like this to me.
I really loved you jack.
I died for you just like Jesus died for us.

Always with you,
Ashley

Please foward this to more than 15 people or Ashley will haunt you and try to kill you because she wants everyone to know about Courtney.

Thank you.

Please Scroll Down.

'In loving Memory of' **Ashley Halagey**

What ashley did to one person who did not send this....... One girl was looking through her e-mail and she deleted this message thinking it was another silly forward... the next day she was found dead in her bed.

Of course u don't have to send this but I think Ashley Halagey will come soon to get you like tonight when you are still awake just sitting in bed

Repost this as or u will lose the one u love......

---

My reply:


Dearest Ashley,

Your death was not in vain. Thankfully, the termination of your existence is currently providing me with a delightful outlet for poking fun at the retarded people who keep forwarding emails and who keep the chain-letter tradition alive, in those days where bandwidth is cheap and email inboxes surging with free gigabytes.

Firstly Ashley, your actions are simply appalling. You killed yourself over Jack, who is obviously a dumb fuck. Your committing suicide over that guy makes of you an even dumber fuck. The worst part of it is that you killed yourself in your own closet (that merits a Darwin award, I assure you) and were found out only one week later by your own mother. Your suicide note read:

My dearest Jack,i watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and
I will continue to watch you. I never thought you would do something like this to me.
I really loved you jack.
I died for you just like Jesus died for us.

Well, Jesus Christ wasn't desperately EMO. And he died on a cross, not in his closet. Plus he sacrificed his body to pay for the sins of mankind. He didn't die for Jack Shit. Unfortunately, he couldn't foresee the arrival of dumb fucks like you and Jack, because had he known, he would have had serious doubts about going to the cross.

Your boyfriend liked Courtney more, but was dating you. That is so typical. True - Courtney is a cheap slut, but that girl intelligently created her own luck to get the guy she wanted. You should be happy that you lost that jerk to your slutty friend. She probably had STD's, and now so does the guy. However, If you really think about it, had you really wanted to keep your guy to yourself, you should just have barged in while they were fucking, armed with a baseball bat or a similar pain-inflicting device. But you sat and watched them fuck, making of you a world-class dumb fuck.

I'd like to defend you but all the facts seem to point out that your EMO suicide in your closet was nothing short of stupid, meaningless and despicably unartistic. To tell you the truth, your self-termination is great news, since you have now effectively removed your genes from the common gene pool, and we are now assured that there will not be future generations of human beings who have inherited both your stupidity and that of Jack's.

Do you sincerely think that you're the first person to see the one you love going for someone else? Of course you aren't. But that doesn't mean we should all cut our wrists and die agonizing deaths in our closets. We ain't dumb fucks. We ain't you.

I was simultaneously relived and disappointed to know that you never existed (read: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_there_any_truth_in_the_Ashley_Halagey_chain-mail_legend). Relieved because, such levels of stupidity were just too scary; and disappointed because now I can't append the two words "Dumb Fuck" on your tombstone.

I will however pray for the souls of similar dumb fucks who were inspired by your actions. Also, I sincerely wish that those people who actually believed that you sent and signed that email (after your own death) and afterwards haunted those who didn't comply would just -- die. May God please remove them from the surface of this Earth, since stupidity has become increasingly problematic latey.


-Rowy